Aero's Diary

Her Fathers Song

aerodeardiary — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 23:12:22 +0000

After that, E.T. seemed like a different person. Understandably so, after going through such a life tragedy, but something else was missing. Could it be, that the very person who sparked my interest in finding my purpose had lost theirs? That the faith and hope E.T. had told me about had abandoned her in her time of need?

If that was the case, if these things were nothing more than just a nice jacket people wear to cover the filthy rages beneath, than I wanted nothing to do with them. I was happy before in my old jeans and t-shirt and wasn’t going to fall into this trap for the naive.

For a minute I was embarrassed I had even embraced it, but then…I felt this strange warm feeling come over me, like a heated blanket my mother would put over me when i was sick…not a glowing white robe pointing the way..but a warm, simple peace- letting me know I was O.K.

Just like that my doubts and fears and the walls I had built up to protect myself were gone. Like the battles I had learned about in history, except it was as though my battle had been fought for me…and we won.

The Voyage of Beliefs

aerodeardiary — Fri, 29 May 2009 19:36:51 +0000

My new found information felt like I had found the golden ticket in a Willy Wonka bar. It was refreshing. I still didn’t claim to understand, but I recognized that hope and faith were two things that helped a person cope… it gave them a window to look out, a room with a view. I believed in God, but my idea of Him had seemed like He was way too busy to see or hear the things going on in my small life. Maybe I was wrong.

What came next, was a whole new world of unexpected. I saw her world come crashing down that day…like the meteor shower that was meant for our high school. E.T’s father had killed himself. Right there in their own home, on the same couch they watched tv on. I watched from across the street through my bedroom window, feeling so helpless. My best friend’s dad just killed himself, and I wasn’t there…to save her…to protect her…maybe she wouldn’t want me there…maybe if I had have been there instead of watching old House re-runs, it might not have happened. Why? How could this happen to such a great person, such a great family? He always seemed so happy…and E.T. was the best person I knew…she had purpose. She didn’t deserve this. I wanted so badly to be there with her…to somehow be the light in her dark corner for once…to help her say goodbye.

Man, Whatcha Doin?

aerodeardiary — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 16:26:57 +0000

E.T. took me to a meeting at her church today, that led to some interesting soul searching…not something I saw coming.
A few things the man said resonated with me, like going to class when you’re half asleep, and only waking up for key moments. But i didn’t want to get side tracked, I was still trying to answer those hard questions…this new information out of left field…but what if he was right? What if God really did care about me and my family, and wanted things to be right again? I think I had wrote off the possibility of that….until now.
This was new information, which meant the potential of new results. It was both exciting and scary at the same time, to consider something outside the box of my families safe zone…something outside of my guidelines. I wanted to dig deeper…

aerodeardiary — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 17:25:06 +0000

Just a little drawing...

Sometimes You Can Forget Who You Are

aerodeardiary — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 15:28:00 +0000

Knowing who you are, at a high school level, was like a black art…it was frowned upon, and the thought of achieving it, was by most authority’s standards, less likely to happen that a meteor shower hitting our high school.
BUT i knew…who I was…at least I thought I did…but maybe it was my fondness of the meteor shower theory that was catchy…or perhaps it was E.T.’s glow rubbing off on me…not sure.
I remember walking out of the front doors of the school (from what my teachers liked to call after school detention- not sure what you call it when you’re innocent) and almost tripping over a homeless man sitting in the middle of the sidewalk. I’d never seen him before, he was happy, yet homeless, it was a strange combination. I stopped for a minute to search my pockets for change, while he blurted out bits and pieces of the national anthem in the best Tom Watts impersonation I’ve heard.
He held a sign that said “Money. Can’t live with it, can’t live without it.”
I thought that took a lot of guts to hold a sign like that. So I sat with him and asked him what he would do if e had all the money in the world…I kept a mental note of the things he said, and later that night wrote them down.
It’s funny how clearly you can see a solution to someone else’s problems, when most of the time we spend dodging the fact that we have our own. Things are always blurry from the inside.

Boy Meets Girl (and Visa Versa)

aerodeardiary — Sat, 07 Mar 2009 01:42:20 +0000

In days to follow, I became friends with E.T., she was like no one I had ever met…filled with awe of the worlds many secrets, and yet still grounded, and relatable. She asked questions, but also had the strength to listen to the answers, and always seemed to know when to say the right things. She had a purpose. I wasn’t quite sure what it was, but I would find it…because I was drawn to it.
Her purpose seemed to glow around her, like she was plugged in..it was contagious. It made me question my motives…or did I even know what that meant? Did I even have a purpose? Or was I sent here just to blend in? Time would tell.
E.T. encouraged me to say something, to have a voice, to live my life for a reason. Until now, the only reasoning my days had seen was to play my guitar for hours on end, until I felt like my uncertainty was gone. I helped me to see myself…it helped me to keep my mind off of my parents, and their inability to see eye to eye. Maybe if I wrote the right song, they would see it…whatever it was they were both looking for…but not finding.
More later…

The Unavoidable Battle of Feeling on the Outside…

aerodeardiary — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 22:41:24 +0000

I seem to have won the battle, at least for now, and what comes next, I could have never prepared for…She was extra-terrestrial, there was no question! I’m not sure I knew- until that point- that someone could make such a lasting impression in such a split second.
I was STUNNED, stuck in the tractor beam of a flying saucer…speechless.

A Boy Moves To A New Town With Optimistic Outlook…

aerodeardiary — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 23:43:48 +0000

After that, I felt like I could take on the world…
Going through the certain stress of moving to a new town, new friends, new school…should have been a sureshot tragedy…but somehow I came out on top…still not sure how…fighting the good fight of fitting in, has almost always seemed like losing battle.

Well here goes….

aerodeardiary — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 00:21:53 +0000

I wish i could tell you my life’s been nothing more than merely your average walk down the path, but I’d be lying. That would be a vast understatement, a major mouth catastrophe that quite frankly, I don’t want to be responsible for. Luckily, I have been keeping a diary- something my father encouraged me to do to pass the time while he was away on long trips- I faithfully will try to note every encounter from the barely audible, to the amazing.

So that leaves me right here…right were I awkwardly, didn’t want to be left.